吹毛求疵,求到“疵”
吹毛求疵,求到“疵”
文/吕布凡
早在中学时期,不只受了鲁迅先生还是夏丏尊的影响过大,还是在青春期读了太多“痞子”王朔的书,一时间对“批评”,“评论”产生了巨大而痛苦的“兴趣”。
写过一段时间影评,还写了一段时间社论,发表的极其少,看到了新闻、事件倒把自己气个半死,写个评论需要一整天来消化自己的情绪垃圾,实在耽误了不少当时的青春时光。
后来,大学了,读了些管理、心理学系列的书,不再有抱怨负面事件的习惯,再加上毕业的一年多后我教了一段时间的语文高考作文,看到一个问题的习惯不是去挑毛病,而是努力地使之客观化、分析后再正面化,那段时间,我的生活真是理智又愉悦。
工作的闲余时间解释了不少讲师行内的专家,自不量力建立了一个群,定期进去求教,学到不少,那些谦虚的老牌讲师都乐意拿出问题来请教,也乐意义务地分析一个案例的由来,认真地好不抱怨地说出自己的困难和解决设想,往往却又那么一两个人总是夹杂在其中,反复地挑毛病、不断地提醒大家,改变有多么苦难,社会环境多么污浊、还有生存空间多么狭窄,刚刚发了言的人所说的话多么傻……我知道,那一定不是口才,差不多叫吹毛求疵吧。(认清自己有多难)
突然有一天,我决定看看他们的资料,发现,居然是群里最年轻的人,学历最浅显、专业知识最薄弱的20来岁的青年人,甚至还有混入的未成年人,吃惊的还有三十未立,四十仍未立的销售人员,基层打工人员这,他们居然有这么“深刻”的言辞,为何生活、事业仍无起色?……让我豁然有所悟,想起中学时期,外语老师画过的一个圆,他说:
圆面积越是小,就好比越是无知的人,他们越是认为自己知道得多,在哪里指指点点,不停地批评;
越是有知的人,圆的面积也就越大,他们越不会去处处批评,处处诘责,倒会越有学习的态度……
至今想起,感慨颇多,原来小时候知道的并不是真的知道,需要这么多年的经历才能成熟地理解一个小例子,何况生活?
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